cry me a river

today i need the Lord to grant me patience. i am having a hard time accepting and forgiving. i am having a hard time dealing with people that lack compassion. they only think about themselves and then wonder why their relationships are failing. people wonder why depression is so rampant. it is not a hard concept. i have been diagnosed with clinical depression more than one time in my life. i can say from experience that there is no amount of prescription happy pills or booze or sex or food that can fill that void and cure depression. sure, it may make it seem better for a while and you might possibly be a little bit more tolerable to others around you for a few days/weeks/months. reality is, it ALWAYS comes back. always.

i am going to shed some light and share a little secret of mine to solve these unsolvable problems. step outside of yourself. find a cause that you feel is worth fighting for. ask a friend/spouse/boyfriend questions about their life. stop dumping your crap on them. THINK ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE BESIDES YOURSELF. it is literally as simple as that. give your stuff to God. he wants your crap way more than everyone else.

i cannot number how many nights i spent crying about my life and complaining about how horrible of a hand the Lord had dealt me. i didn't understand why no one loved me. i didn't understand why my medications weren't magically making it all better.

my mother is a wise ol' gal, lemme tell ya. she had been telling me all my life how blessed i was that i had freedom, food, a roof over my head, a family... there were kids out there who didn't have all of that. I don't think that actually registered in my mind. those kids weren't here. those kids don't know MY problems.

anyway, one day when i was soppin' wet from all my pitiful tears she looked me straight in the eye and said, "stop feeling sorry for yourself. you need to think about other people more than yourself. count your blessings. put all that energy that you are spending on negative thoughts into helping other people. be there for those you love. that will make you feel better."

I know it is easier said than done, and of course i didn't change my tune immediately and forever right then and there... but what she said is true. every time i catch myself only thinking about myself i find myself in a very dark place. i try to remember what she said and pray. once you get outside of your poor pitiful gray little world, things seem to be a little brighter.

i am telling ya, there is nothing that "state of mind" can't heal.

with that being said...

GET OVER YOURSELF!!


<3



Ok, so I thought about it and realized that depression isn't ONLY solved by becoming less self-involved. I mean, that is a large part of it, it truly is. There are some people with a true chemical imbalance, however, pills alone will not cure the problem or reverse the epidemic. And there are too many people out there just walking around with a prescription to fix something they don't genuinely have. Just figured I'd throw that one in there :)