When I started this whole "blogger phase" I figured it would be easy to come up with stuff to blog about. But when I think about what goes on in my life from day to day, my life seems mind numbingly dull. There are important, exciting things going on, but sharing them online seems to be extremely ridiculous and a little bit self centered to think that anyone else would find the day to day interesting. And then I was thinking, well... who cares if other people find anything I say interesting? This is my blog right? So if you find me incredibly boring then move along :) just kidding. But seriously.
Today I want to share my experience thus far on training for a half marathon. Now don't get me wrong... I was completely aware that running a great distance would be extremely hard. I was aware that I would have to train for a long time and I would have to work really hard... cause let's face it, I am not the most athletically inclined individual out there. Basically I knew it was going to be a challenge. But what I wasn't aware of was how difficult it would be to get motivated to train on a daily basis. This is something I would like to accomplish, but things just seem to get in the way... things like sleep. Or TV shows. Or, the urge to just sit on my bed and do absolutely nothing. Thing is, when I give into those other things, I feel really guilty the next day. And now that I ordered a dress that will not give me any room to eat Taco Villa in excess, I realize I need to work out so I can fit into that little dress in 7 months.
I have all the reasons why I need to do it and why I need to press on, yet there are some days that I cannot get the motivation to use the remote to change the TV channel, much less get up and run a few miles. So I wonder where the de-motivation comes from? When I look back on different situations in my life, I can see all of the things that I wanted to accomplish and never finished. My mother told me that I am fickle. She used to get so frustrated with me because I would attempt to start some extracurricular activity and then abandon it in a couple of months.
Prime example: Piano lessons. I just knew that I wanted to play the piano and be a famous singer. I didn't start piano lessons until I was in the fourth grade. I know that sounds young, but where I am from, child prodigies start early... like the womb. Not really. But seriously, most kids begin training in their talent area around the age of 4. So when I would watch these young first graders come in and perform some grand piece of music like Mozart or Bach I was a little intimidated. So I quit piano lessons after 2 months.
Another example: Basketball. I just knew I was going to play basketball. I was pretty tall for the average sixth grader and I genuinely do have man hands, so i figured basketball was the way to go. Maybe there is something else I should tell you about myself... I am the biggest klutz in the world. I can barely walk across the room without either stubbing my toe or running into a wall. So you can only imagine how brutal the basketball attempt was for me.
ANYWAY... things just seem to get in my way that cause the lack of motivation. I think I have found where that lack of motivation comes from and I believe that there are people out there that share this same problem with me....That voice in my head that tells me that I am not good enough belongs to-- drum roll---the Devil himself. He is the one that has been telling me my whole life that I am not good enough, or I am too clumsy, or I am too tired to go to the gym tonight.
I know to most people that sounds ridiculous. But I believe in my heart that he is the one who told me... "Oh my gosh you dropped the basketball and tripped over your shoe lace... EVERY ONE IS LAAAUGHING AT YOU.. you had better quit now". --He is such a jerk like that.
I don't want my motivation to be about a dress or pride or even losing a couple of pounds...I want my motivation to come from God. I want so desperately to go back to that game and tell that voice in my head to shut up, pick up the ball and move on with my life. Only thing is, I can't go back to that day. I quit basketball just like I quit many other things that I wasn't perfect at on the first try. But God has given me another chance. I may lose sight of why I spent almost a hundred bucks on the entry fee to run in this thing, but I am going to try to remember that God did not make me a quitter. I may have had issues with that in the past, but I am not that girl anymore.
So... with all that being said... I'm going to put on my new running shoes and continue. Even if I get last place... I still will have finished. And that will be something to be proud of.
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